You will never please all the people, all of the time. I had to learn this very early on in my teaching career and it became even more obvious when I became head!
A child should be the centre of their parents’ world and as such they want the best for them. This can also mean they have a false picture of their child’s capabilities. These things can mean that parents and school do not see eye to eye over the best direction for their child.
It often starts with reading books. ‘The school books are too easy, he’s reading Harry Potter at home!’ My reply was always ‘That’s great, you keep on with that at home, but we need to see evidence that he can decode words using his phonics.’
Then it moves on to discussions about behaviour – ‘he never behaves like that at home – it must be the influence of other children’ or ‘his behaviour at home has deteriorated, he must be learning these things at school’
There is often no understanding that their child might be winding the other children up or that perhaps they are exhibiting this behaviour as a means to get attention. I would impress upon parents that it is essential that they keep the school informed about any changes at home, so that we could support the child. After a conversation with a parent about why their child had started to behave so erratically – has anything changed? No, oh father and I have split up, but they seem fine with that. No child is ‘fine with that’ but they might not want to show any emotions at home. It certainly does explain their behaviour in school.
Unfortunately, everyone has an opinion on how schools should be run and how children should be treated, because everyone has been to school, albeit a long time ago! And it is very hard to be objective when it is your child who is being discussed. But not all parents are blinkered. We mustn’t forget that many parents are realistic and will see faults in their own child, so we have to balance these parents with those who see no faults at all.
It is extremely frustrating that parents appear to have no filter. They can say what they like to school staff and that is deemed acceptable. School staff have no freedom like that. When told ‘this school has gone right down hill since you took over’ I just had to remain calm and replied with ‘thank you for that.’ When I was referred to ‘as that ghastly headteacher’ once again it ‘thank you for that’.
Of course, there are the wonderful parents who are so grateful for everything you do for their child. They will support everything the school arranges. They will follow all the advice they are given and are committed to the ethos and vision of the school. For some of these parents, they have had to come to terms with their child’s special educational needs. For some, it is only when their child starts school that they realise the extent of their needs and the school has to help and support them through this extremely difficult time. Some want this support, others don’t.
I am sure that all most parents want is to feel that you like their child, that you know them and can identify their needs. They entrust us with their most precious possession for over 6 hours a day and they want the best for their child. All we have to do is provide it!
Leave a Reply