There is no doubt that Headship is a very lonely job.
It’s very strange – you spend years in the classroom where you have your colleagues, SLT, the head, to turn to when you need some advice or a second opinion, but once you become Head, that support network disappears. You have become ‘that someone who everyone else turns to’!
I don’t mean to make it sound desperate because it wasn’t. I w as extremely lucky with my colleagues in school. As a new head, I had a very experienced deputy and an extremely confident, knowledgeable Assistant Head. I shared everything with them, possibly too much! But there were still times I felt isolated.
In my later years of headship I had two deputy heads who would listen and respond appropriately, they would challenge and question me and were hugely supportive, but they didn’t know the answers to those difficult questions.
The Governors are seen as critical friends and there were many occasions I would turn to them. Again, I was extremely lucky in my Governing Body. I could share things with them, and I knew they weren’t judging me. Going through a school expansion raised many questions and created many times when I had to think aloud. I needed people around me who would allow me to do that and, at times, realise my own mistakes. A head has to be able to trust their governors and they have to allow you to make the final decisions after you have shared your thoughts.
Sometimes your questions are more of a professional nature. Then it is hard to know where to go. Of course it should be the local authority – they should have all the answers! But I didn’t find that to be the case. With most of my questions, the answer I got was ‘It’s at the head’s discretion.’ Yes, I know that but what have others done in a similar situation? And do you think I am doing the right thing?
My best source of advice and sharing of ideas came from other local headteachers. As a consortia we met half termly and there was always the opportunity to ask questions and seek advice. Of course it took a while for me to feel comfortable with sharing my questions or concerns but I gradually grew to realise that no-one was judging me and I felt happier with asking for help.
Out of the consortia grew a small group of Heads known as ‘Secret Squirrels’ who shared all their questions and asked for all sorts of help. We relied upon one another when the going got tough. We shared our experiences of ‘barking parents’ and if no-one knew the answer, invariably one of us knew a man who did! This strong bond of shared experiences and shared understanding got us through some of the darkest days. The most important lesson I learned was: Don’t be afraid to ask for help!
And of course, through all of this who was the one constant? The one who listened to all my woes? The one who allowed me to rant and rave and scream and shout about those barking parents and the lack of support from the LA?
Yes, it was my husband. He is the silent hero through my tenure of headship. He didn’t always understand why I was so worked up, or what I was going on about, but he was always there to pour me a large glass of wine and give me a reassuring smile and I knew everything would be alright!
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